This road to adoption has been full of twists and turns
Doors open and then doors close
Our hearts have been stretched and molded
We've cried joyous tears and ones full of frustration
Yet one thing has remained,
a certainty that this is the path we are supposed to be on.
We are finally at a point where I can look back and see what in the world these past years have been for.
You see, as much as I would have said otherwise, my vision for our adoption was in a tiny, neat box.
Overseas, healthy infant, no strings attached.
When we were accepted into India's program
I was thrilled.
But then India closed their doors to international adoption
When they reopened it was only for special needs children and we were asked to consider a special needs adoption.
My box was starting crack open
but with much prayer we felt like God was leading and we needed to follow.
Our agency then asked us to wait and hold off on our home studies till we moved so that nothing would have to be repeated.
Wait.....oh how I'm learning to love that word.
During that waiting period God did a lot with our hearts.
Counting the time we prayed and discussed our adoption options through being accepted into a program till now we have been waiting for
It's easy to get frustrated, to want to cry my eyes out everyday because this isn't moving faster.
But when we were asked to hold off on our home studies,
things started moving in our hearts and all around us.
Through a series of events we found ourselves being presented at every opportunity
with the suggestion of being foster parents.
And I'm talking smack you in the face, completely undeniable, God might as well have sent a burning bush kind of signs and suggestions.
Oh, me oh my.....this was so far from my neat and tidy adoption box I had secretly been hiding in my heart.
So about 4 months ago Bill and I sat down and had a talk that broke our hearts wide open.
We've been so caught up in the wait, so focused on ourselves in this journey as being the ones who are waiting.
But the second we let the thoughts of fostering sink it, it was as if a light bulb went off.
This is exactly what we've been called to all along.
From the beginning we've had the name Selah in our hearts. Really ever since we talked about starting a family, Selah was there.
In Hebrew it means "to pause" and now I am seeing this name, this word as so much more.
That maybe all along this was His plan and He was just waiting for our hearts to come around to it.
That while we wait for our daughter, for our adoption, we can have the opportunity to be His hands and feet. The opportunity to love on little ones who are hurting, the opportunity for our home to be a refuge....a place to pause....Selah.
Oh God has been so patient with us. It took us FIVE years to get here to stop being so afraid of the mess and embrace what is truly right for us and our family.
We are not going into this naively; we are very aware of the chances for heartbreak. But I will tell you right now I've never felt lighter in this journey.
It took a bit of explaining to the boys of what fostering to adopt could look like. They too have been waiting for their sister to come home. But once we explained that maybe one, maybe two, maybe three or four little ones could come through our house before it's our "Selah" they were fully on board. I'm ever so thankful for their tender hearts and desire to help others, it was a proud mommy moment when it clicked for them.
So the new Waiting For Selah plan is that we will enter the Foster to Adopt program in North Carolina once we move.
We will have about 10 weeks of training to go through and then we will see....
At this point (but believe me it's not a box) we are open to fostering a little girl 0-3 years old with the possibility of being special needs. I'm shaking my head as I type that out because I'm pretty sure God is shaking his head at me ;)
We are so thankful for everyone who has counseled us, prayed for us, dropped of clothing and baby gear, for those who have let us cry and those who have lifted us up. This journey is so much bigger than we ever expected and we truly are beyond thankful for each and everyone of you!